A chance phone encounter with someone I went out on one date with last year came back into my life. Then when I thought about it again, this is the fourth time our paths have crossed in the last year. I began to wonder was it coincidence or was I supposed to learn something from this guy?
He confessed to me during our conversation that he never contacted me back again because of his own self-doubts. The tape player in his mind kept repeating, "Look at you, why would she want a guy like you anyway!" I would have never thought he would confess that to me but fine. I get self-doubt, I get self-sabotage but that kind of negative speak is beyond me. That showed me he had absolutely no confidence.
When my divorce was still fresh I had the same language swirling around in my head. Why would anyone want to consider dating someone like me? I had no job, I was sleeping on my friends daybed and my car was ten years old. In my mind, I had nothing else going for me. I was pathetic. Then I kept meeting men who had less than I did but had nerve to question my motives with them. If I wanted what little bit they already had, if I was looking for someone to lay up in my small space or looking to trap another man. It was none of those. I was looking for true companionship from someone who didn't call me a bitch every time I walked in the door. I was looking for outer peace to match the inner peace I had finally obtained. Like Mary J. Blige says, No More Drama! I was honestly looking for no more drama!
So my lesson with crossing paths with him again was to remind me of what I didn't want in my life going forward. I didn't want someone who questioned my true intentions. I didn't want someone who couldn't even look at themselves in the mirror without wanting to smash it. I didn't want someone who didn't believe in themselves. After all, why would I want someone who's my total opposite in all the negative things.
Honestly,
Rhonda
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