The following is a posting I began to work on a few months back. I was a bit apprehensive about even publishing it due to where I was in that space in time. Lately, I had to re-examine where my own priorities are in life. I never thought money was that much of an influence in my life until I was laid off from my last conventional position. Maybe it's due to being an only child who didn't grow up with much. So many have this perception that all of us only children grow up super spoiled and extremely dependent on mommy and daddy. In my case, that is totally not true! I was forced into being totally self-sufficient at a very very early age. I found it quite embarrassing that my friends knew I was dragging bags of laundry blocks away from my apartment complex all on my own. In the meanwhile, their parents played that role to the fullest by taking care of them 100% and in some cases, beyond.
Like many things in life its influenced the kind of person I turned out to be. Leaving things bottled up inside and not reaching out to others has such a negative effect on my spirit. For me, opening up and being vulnerable is extremely difficult, even until this day. Just to show you it's all a process....
The Past -
I know things are still pretty tough out there, in terms of the economy. So many of us are frustrated on so many levels. You may have been one of the majority who lost their job. As a result, vacations are put on the back burner, no more spontaneous shopping trips to Target and forget about hanging with your usual social circle to do Friday Happy Hour any longer.
You've now become a leper. Money has so much focus and status in our society. Yours is now limited no one wants you around. Or maybe afraid to have you around for fear of you becoming 'that' friend. The moocher friend. As a result, you've now become angry. The holidays are fast approaching and people are expecting gifts. And let's face it people do expect things whether you were planning on giving or not.
What happened to cultivating your family and friends? When did all this emphasis have such a strong hold on the holidays?
Anger was never one of my strong suits. I was raised to stuff all of the anger inside and just deal with it. So when my water boiled over it was a long time coming. Unfortunately, I unleashed it on the wrong person. I remember living in the Lawrenceville area when I moved back down to Atlanta over two years ago. One afternoon, I was going to retrieve the mail and pulled my car into a handicapped spot. No one was around during this time and the mailbox wasn't even ten steps in front of my car. When I ran out to grab the mail an elderly woman came walking from around the corner. She asked if that was my car and I told her yes and that I was leaving right now. Suddenly, she starts screaming about how I was inconsiderate and never took anyone else into account. If I did I would have never parked there to begin with.
The old me would have walked away. The angry me lashed out at her. I didn't care if she was my elder or not. In my mind, she had no idea what she was even talking about. Before I knew it I lashed back at her with plenty of curse words. I honestly am not going to repeat any of it verbatim because that entire situation was so out of my normal character. Let's just say that I behaved similar to Teresa from Real Housewives of New Jersey. You know, the infamous table flipping incident sprinkled with tons of profanity and hand gestures. That's the closest example of my behavior in this situation.
That behavior was so embarassing in my eyes. I knew it just wasn't who I really was. Most of all, it frightened me. I know I was more angry at the fact that I was letting money have such a hold over my daily living. I know the anger was still stemming from my recent divorce. All that I unleashed was not intended for this elderly woman. It was 9 years worth of pent up emotion slowly leaking out onto any unsuspecting soul. It was more than being about money.
Your Voice -
I would like to know how the rest of you deal with your anger? Yes I have felt angry before but I have never lashed out using that as a catalyst before in my life until recently. To hear how the rest of you are dealing with that would be great.
Look forward to it.
Namaste,
Rhonda Iris
Like many things in life its influenced the kind of person I turned out to be. Leaving things bottled up inside and not reaching out to others has such a negative effect on my spirit. For me, opening up and being vulnerable is extremely difficult, even until this day. Just to show you it's all a process....
The Past -
I know things are still pretty tough out there, in terms of the economy. So many of us are frustrated on so many levels. You may have been one of the majority who lost their job. As a result, vacations are put on the back burner, no more spontaneous shopping trips to Target and forget about hanging with your usual social circle to do Friday Happy Hour any longer.
You've now become a leper. Money has so much focus and status in our society. Yours is now limited no one wants you around. Or maybe afraid to have you around for fear of you becoming 'that' friend. The moocher friend. As a result, you've now become angry. The holidays are fast approaching and people are expecting gifts. And let's face it people do expect things whether you were planning on giving or not.
What happened to cultivating your family and friends? When did all this emphasis have such a strong hold on the holidays?
Anger was never one of my strong suits. I was raised to stuff all of the anger inside and just deal with it. So when my water boiled over it was a long time coming. Unfortunately, I unleashed it on the wrong person. I remember living in the Lawrenceville area when I moved back down to Atlanta over two years ago. One afternoon, I was going to retrieve the mail and pulled my car into a handicapped spot. No one was around during this time and the mailbox wasn't even ten steps in front of my car. When I ran out to grab the mail an elderly woman came walking from around the corner. She asked if that was my car and I told her yes and that I was leaving right now. Suddenly, she starts screaming about how I was inconsiderate and never took anyone else into account. If I did I would have never parked there to begin with.
The old me would have walked away. The angry me lashed out at her. I didn't care if she was my elder or not. In my mind, she had no idea what she was even talking about. Before I knew it I lashed back at her with plenty of curse words. I honestly am not going to repeat any of it verbatim because that entire situation was so out of my normal character. Let's just say that I behaved similar to Teresa from Real Housewives of New Jersey. You know, the infamous table flipping incident sprinkled with tons of profanity and hand gestures. That's the closest example of my behavior in this situation.
That behavior was so embarassing in my eyes. I knew it just wasn't who I really was. Most of all, it frightened me. I know I was more angry at the fact that I was letting money have such a hold over my daily living. I know the anger was still stemming from my recent divorce. All that I unleashed was not intended for this elderly woman. It was 9 years worth of pent up emotion slowly leaking out onto any unsuspecting soul. It was more than being about money.
Your Voice -
I would like to know how the rest of you deal with your anger? Yes I have felt angry before but I have never lashed out using that as a catalyst before in my life until recently. To hear how the rest of you are dealing with that would be great.
Look forward to it.
Namaste,
Rhonda Iris
