Having a fulfilling, nurturing and fun relationship is what most of us aim for in our lives. In my life, I have not had many full on relationships with the opposite sex. Dealing with my own insecurity and trust issues has always been such a huge hindrance when it came to dating. But one thing I have noticed over the years with me and my other friends, we all seem to have the tendency to change ourselves for the sake of being fully accepted by the other person.
Why do you think this happens so often? And not only to just us women, I have testimonies from men as well.
These behavior changes seem to go deeper than just changing your priorities to only spend your free time with this new found person in your life.
I vividly remember having a strong love of music. Always have and I always will. I loved going to quiet, dark lounges to just sit and listen to a DJ set or some jazz music even. It was my way of relaxing, being casual with a bit of mild socializing thrown into the mix. My new love interest compromised and joined me once one evening. After I brought it up to him to go again the following month, all of a sudden it wasn't a good idea for me to go anymore. He didn't like the venues or the people or anything for that matter. I realized, when it was too late, it was about isolating me and molding me into what he saw fit. Looking back I wonder what he even fell in love with in the first place. Or why I changed for that matter. But sooner or later your true self always comes to light and if the other party can't deal with it then they weren't for you anyway!
You should never have to change who you are or what you enjoy just to make someone else feel better about themselves. I fully except who I am and what I love about me. Many people just don't accept that. We sometimes figure if someone we're attracted to doesn't agree with something we enjoy that must mean something must be wrong,...with ME!
As time went on I realized I was completely alone when it came to wanting to socialize with other people. I ignored my friends so much to the point that they all disappeared and even changed their contact information. Their was no such thing as a 'girls night out' any longer. The mission was accomplished. I woke up complete isolated, alone, unhappy and not fully being. I was just here. That definitely was not good enough. That shouldn't be good enough for any of you either.
What To Do:
Stay true to who you are. Ask yourself, why would this person not want me to meet my girlfriends for our weekly Zumba classes? Why would they question me about who I associate with that they are not fully aware of?
If you have nothing to hide then answering those questions would be quick and easy. But if it becomes the main topic of discussion all the time, please take my advice and RUN! Those are small red flags that this person is not secure in who they are. If they were they would step outside of their box and ask to join you one night at Zumba. Getting to know each other is what truly cultivates and nurtures a good solid relationship.
Your Voice:
Has anyone ever been in a situation like that before? Did you realize you were already in too deep before you decided to cut the cord or did you stick it out?
I want to hear your stories.
Namaste,
Rhonda Iris
4 comments:
Here Here Girlfriend! You are so spot on! Two people should complememt each other. It took me a very long time to realize that I was the problem in my relationships. I actually listened to what men said they wanted (not realizing they didn't know what they wanted) instead of paying attention to their actions.
I feel I am selfish now and anyone coming into my world would have to fit in. I am open to new adventures but not willing to give up the things or people I love. If he wants me I need to know how much. Relationships shouldn't be that difficult. If it takes a lot of work then we both have to be working at it. Not just me.
There is nothing more beautiful that a woman in love. Even if it is just with herself.
I have grown from wanting a man to wanting a partner that complements me as I would him.
I so agree with you TuKute. I feel men are either intimidated or intrigued by a woman who has her own life. It shouldn't be so damn difficult. If your both honest and open and willing to truly 'hear' one another than anything is possible. Many times we don't want to that extra step for the possibility of it working. If that's the case why even be in a relationship and then sit around and cry about wanting one. All relationships deserve to be cultivated, be it friends and/or family. It all has to be nurtured.
Now this is how you write a blog. LOVE IT!
I have never lost myself in any relationship I have been in. But I have had guys do that to me. It is a turn off to me. Once a guy loses himself into my life, i see him as a person with no life. Once that happens i don't want to be in the relationship anymore.
I think it's so important not to loose who you are, and the thing that brought you into the relationship. But, I also know that people change and grow, and its import that the other person does the same, but do it on the level where it makes the relation better.
I so agree changing and evolving is just a natural progression in life. The hard part is learning to accept that from your significant other and growing together.
Isn't that what life is about anyway? Changing and growing and learning along the way....
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