Changing For Them

Having a fulfilling, nurturing and fun relationship is what most of us aim for in our lives. In my life, I have not had many full on relationships with the opposite sex. Dealing with my own insecurity and trust issues has always been such a huge hindrance when it came to dating. But one thing I have noticed over the years with me and my other friends, we all seem to have the tendency to change ourselves for the sake of being fully accepted by the other person.

Why do you think this happens so often? And not only to just us women, I have testimonies from men as well.

These behavior changes seem to go deeper than just changing your priorities to only spend your free time with this new found person in your life.

I vividly remember having a strong love of music. Always have and I always will. I loved going to quiet, dark lounges to just sit and listen to a DJ set or some jazz music even. It was my way of relaxing, being casual with a bit of mild socializing thrown into the mix. My new love interest compromised and joined me once one evening. After I brought it up to him to go again the following month, all of a sudden it wasn't a good idea for me to go anymore. He didn't like the venues or the people or anything for that matter. I realized, when it was too late, it was about isolating me and molding me into what he saw fit. Looking back I wonder what he even fell in love with in the first place. Or why I changed for that matter. But sooner or later your true self always comes to light and if the other party can't deal with it then they weren't for you anyway!

You should never have to change who you are or what you enjoy just to make someone else feel better about themselves. I fully except who I am and what I love about me. Many people just don't accept that. We sometimes figure if someone we're attracted to doesn't agree with something we enjoy that must mean something must be wrong,...with ME!

As time went on I realized I was completely alone when it came to wanting to socialize with other people. I ignored my friends so much to the point that they all disappeared and even changed their contact information. Their was no such thing as a 'girls night out' any longer. The mission was accomplished. I woke up complete isolated, alone, unhappy and not fully being. I was just here. That definitely was not good enough. That shouldn't be good enough for any of you either.

What To Do:
Stay true to who you are. Ask yourself, why would this person not want me to meet my girlfriends for our weekly Zumba classes? Why would they question me about who I associate with that they are not fully aware of?
If you have nothing to hide then answering those questions would be quick and easy. But if it becomes the main topic of discussion all the time, please take my advice and RUN! Those are small red flags that this person is not secure in who they are. If they were they would step outside of their box and ask to join you one night at Zumba. Getting to know each other is what truly cultivates and nurtures a good solid relationship.

Your Voice:
Has anyone ever been in a situation like that before? Did you realize you were already in too deep before you decided to cut the cord or did you stick it out?
I want to hear your stories.

Namaste,
Rhonda Iris